Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Town Still Can't Think Of Name For Largest, Most Used Street

EDGAR, NE—Residents of the small town of Edgar have yet to come up with a fitting name for the tiny village's most highly trafficked street, a two-lane, tree-lined roadway running through the main downtown area.

"At first we wanted to call it Preeminent Avenue or Primary Lane, or maybe even Boulevard Prime," said local businessman Peter Gallows, who added that the street is the one he mainly uses when driving through town. "It's really important that we name this soon, being that it's the main street around and all."

Edgar mayor Tom Kaisel said he hopes to resolve the problem before mid-October, when the town holds its as-yet-unnamed annual German-themed festival, informally known as "Oktobeparty."

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