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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Trapped Chilean Miners Considering How Funny It Would Be If They All Died Right As Rescuers Completed Tunnel

COPIAPO, CHILE—With their rescue imminent, the conversation of the 33 miners trapped in the Copiapó copper and gold mine turned to how hilarious it would be if they valiantly endured 68 days trapped underground only to die right when their path to salvation was finished. "Oh man, what if the drill hit a methane pocket above our heads and we all exploded just before they reached us?" Miner Carlos Bugueño Alfaro said as his malnourished comrades struggled to hold back giggles. "Like, right when we’re moments away from getting out? Can you imagine? People would be so freaked out. Or what if we all simultaneously dropped dead right this second from copper toxicity?" This last suggestion reportedly resulted in the miners collapsing into a fit of laughter, which then gave way to a hush as the first pebbles broke loose from the ceiling and the drill penetrated their refuge.

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