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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Trent Green Holds Press Conference To Announce Long String Of Vowels

MIAMI—Just two days after he was knocked unconscious by a violent blow to the head and carried off the field on a stretcher, concussed and disoriented Dolphins quarterback Trent Green called a press conference Tuesday in order to address reporters with a series of sustained, low-pitched vowel sounds. "Oooooooooooo, eeeeeeooooooooo oooouuuuoooooo uuuueeeooo," moaned the 13-year veteran, addressing questions about his fitness after suffering a grade-three concussion when Texans defensive tackle Travis Johnson's knee collided with the side of his head as he attempted to cut-block the 315-pound player. "Aaaaaaaaa aaaaaaa aaaaa a aieeeeee-aaaaaaa aaa ooo aaaauuuuuuuuuuu, ai ai ai… ai aaaaaaoooooo." While doctors said Green was far from ready to return to the playing field, drive a car, or dress himself, they did feel that in three to six weeks, he would have recovered sufficiently to retire from football under his own power.

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