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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Trevor Hoffman: 'I Want To Be A Hall Of Famer Right Now'

SAN DIEGO—Moments after recording his 479th career save Sunday, placing him ahead of Lee Smith as baseball's all-time saves leader, Padres closer Trevor Hoffman demanded that Major League Baseball immediately induct him into the Hall of Fame. "I've worked my ass off for 14 years to get to this point, and now you're telling me I have to retire and then wait five more years before I get the chance to be recognized for my accomplishments?" Hoffman said. "Bullshit, gimme my plaque." After the game, Hoffman wished his teammates good luck in the playoffs, and informed bystanders that he was "heading out to Cooperstown tonight if anyone wants to hear my speech."

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