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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Trivial Point Of Order Electrifies Golf World

SHEBOYGAN, WI—A niggling little golf rule unheard of by most Americans infused the PGA Tour with more excitement last week than at any other time this season, tour officials, fans, and players confirmed Sunday. "Dustin Johnson illegally grounding his club because of an inability to determine whether or not he was in a sand trap or waste area was exactly the shot in the arm the PGA Tour needed," Commissioner Tim Finchem told a throng of excited reporters, referring to the minor rules violation that eliminated the 26-year-old golfer from a playoff to determine the PGA champion and galvanized fans worldwide. "Rule 13-4 is just awesome. Only golf can bring that kind of excitement." Finchem said he hasn't been this energized about the game since Phil Mickelson's wedge controversy back in January.

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