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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Troy Aikman Fruitlessly Attempts To Conjure Super Bowl Memory For On-Air Anecdote

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Disoriented by the effects of years of violent head trauma, Fox analyst and Dallas Cowboys Hall of Famer Troy Aikman fruitlessly attempted to come up with a Super Bowl memory for an on-air anecdote during Sunday’s broadcast, sources confirmed. “When I was playing in the’94 Super Bowl, I remember Jimmy Jerry was there right when, uh, this thing happened,” said Aikman, pausing momentarily to compose his thoughts and shield his eyes from the bright stadium lights. “There was a field and it was about June, a really hot day. All around the field, guys were everywhere and I was looking at it. It was a big game. Big game…the Super Game.” According to witnesses, Aikman then suddenly perked up and welcomed viewers to the 2014 NFC Championship Game.

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