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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Troy Aikman Promises Fair, Unbiased Commentary On Cowboys' Run To Super Bowl Championship

DALLAS—Fox color commentator and former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman assured viewers Sunday that during playoff telecasts he would impartially document the return of America's team to their rightful place as NFL champions. "In order to maintain my journalistic integrity, I must be free from bias when I present both sides of the Cowboys' play, remaining impartial as they dominate on both offense and defense," Aikman said, interrupting his heartfelt account of being drafted number one by the team. "Even though Dallas' opponent will not be worthy to share the same field with them, I will not show favoritism towards America's Team, my beloved 'Boys." Aikman added that he would not let his warm feelings for Cowboys owner Jerry Jones skew how he described the man's many wonderful qualities.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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