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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Troy Aikman Promises Fair, Unbiased Commentary On Cowboys' Run To Super Bowl Championship

DALLAS—Fox color commentator and former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman assured viewers Sunday that during playoff telecasts he would impartially document the return of America's team to their rightful place as NFL champions. "In order to maintain my journalistic integrity, I must be free from bias when I present both sides of the Cowboys' play, remaining impartial as they dominate on both offense and defense," Aikman said, interrupting his heartfelt account of being drafted number one by the team. "Even though Dallas' opponent will not be worthy to share the same field with them, I will not show favoritism towards America's Team, my beloved 'Boys." Aikman added that he would not let his warm feelings for Cowboys owner Jerry Jones skew how he described the man's many wonderful qualities.

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