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Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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‘True Detective’ Fan Develops Elaborate Theory He Will Be Let Down By Season Finale

LANSING, MI—Claiming that the clues have been in plain sight all along, local man and diehard True Detective fan Spencer Adams, 34, told reporters Friday he has developed an elaborate theory that he will be incredibly disappointed by the show’s upcoming season finale. “If you’ve been paying close attention to each episode so far, everything points to the fact that we’re headed for a huge disappointment this Sunday,” said Adams, citing as supporting evidence the impossibly high expectations scattered throughout the crime drama’s first seven episodes and listing off a labyrinthine catalog of loose ends and unresolved plot threads that, according to his hypothesis, the HBO series cannot possibly wrap up in the season’s final 60 minutes. “I’ve been watching every shot, every cutaway intently—sometimes viewing the same episodes three or four times each—and the signs are all there: the increasingly convoluted story, the massive amounts of filler in the more recent episodes, the numerous occult references that we clearly aren’t going to get a proper explanation for. All of that makes a satisfying ending virtually impossible, and if you’ve carefully followed every onscreen moment like I have, you’ll see they’ve been making that obvious from the very start.” Adams also noted that the show has been dropping numerous hints as to the arc of its planned second season, namely that the producers will be unable to cast leads on par with Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson and that Adams will then stop watching.

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