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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Trump Administration Refusing To Disclose Names Of White House Diamond Elite Members

WASHINGTON—Rejecting calls for increased transparency by government watchdog groups, officials from the Trump administration announced Monday that they would not disclose the names of White House Diamond Elite members. “Due to the potential security risks associated with publicizing the identities of those enrolled in our most premier program, we will continue to keep their names confidential, a policy that will also apply to those at Diamond Plus, Diamond, Gold, and Silver levels,” said White House Communications Director Mike Dubke, reaffirming the administration’s commitment to the privacy concerns of program participants who enjoy a variety of exclusive premium benefits at the White House. “We will also not release the dates or times of their stays nor disclose any of the Elite Select locations they visited, as we are under no legal obligation to do so.” Pressed for further comment, Dubke encouraged journalists to contact a representative to discuss the many rewards of White House membership.

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