adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
End Of Section
  • More News

Trump Announces 40-Month-Long Search To Fill FBI Director Post

WASHINGTON—Saying it was essential to fill the now vacant post with just the right person, President Trump announced Wednesday the start of a 40-month search to find a replacement for recently dismissed FBI director James Comey. “Whomever we appoint to run the agency must be someone of impeccable character and reputation, and finding this individual will inevitably take at least three and a half years,” said Trump, adding that it would be irresponsible to advance any open investigations until they could be overseen by a new FBI director at some point in the year 2020, though possibly at an even later date. “In fact, we must spend however many weeks, months, and years are required to find an appropriate candidate. Quantifying the time frame underestimates the difficult task at hand and the lengthy—one might even say indefinite—process to come.” Trump went on to say that given the difficulty of selecting the right successor, it was quite possible that the search would remain unfinished in his lifetime.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close