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Trump Deploys National Guard To Press Conference For Standing Ovation

WASHINGTON—Activating the reserve military forces to assist in the urgent mission, President Donald Trump reportedly deployed the National Guard to a press conference Tuesday in order to provide him with a standing ovation. “We received orders from the commander-in-chief at approximately 0600 hours to mobilize all available units in the D.C. area to the White House press briefing room, where personnel were instructed to supply a thunderous round of applause at the conclusion of President Trump’s prepared statements,” said Chief of the National Guard Gen. Joseph Lengyel, noting that hundreds of reserve troops had been directed to clap and cheer after Trump spoke on such hot-button issues as the economy and his relationship with the press. “The National Guard is prepared to swiftly respond to the president’s need for vocal adulation. We’ve got boots on the ground in cities across the U.S. to answer the call for ovations at rallies, diplomatic meetings, treaty negotiations, and all other manner of official appearances.” At press time, dozens of troops had been marshaled to chant the president’s name as he signed executive orders dismantling the Affordable Care Act.

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