adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

TSA Agent Can’t Bring Himself To Make Dad Take Off Comfy Shoes

NEWARK, NJ—Citing how exceptionally cozy and comfortable the footwear looked, Newark Liberty International Airport TSA agent Roger Goodman told reporters he “didn’t have it in [him]” to make local dad Jim Pearsall remove his shoes at the Terminal B security checkpointThursday. “You should’ve seen these shoes—thick, cushioning soles, soft lining, snug but not too tight. It would have been a travesty to make a man accustomed to that level of luxurious comfort walk on the cold, hard floor in just his socks,” said Goodman, adding that he was not worried about any potential security threat because no terrorist hijacking a plane would risk losing a pair of shoes that nice. “Man, those shoes...let’s just say a TSA agent only sees shoes that comfy once in his career, twice if he’s lucky.”At press time, Goodman was seen placing a passenger on the No Fly List upon seeing his ratty old pair of sneakers.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close