adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
End Of Section
  • More News

TSA Agent Can’t Bring Himself To Make Dad Take Off Comfy Shoes

NEWARK, NJ—Citing how exceptionally cozy and comfortable the footwear looked, Newark Liberty International Airport TSA agent Roger Goodman told reporters he “didn’t have it in [him]” to make local dad Jim Pearsall remove his shoes at the Terminal B security checkpointThursday. “You should’ve seen these shoes—thick, cushioning soles, soft lining, snug but not too tight. It would have been a travesty to make a man accustomed to that level of luxurious comfort walk on the cold, hard floor in just his socks,” said Goodman, adding that he was not worried about any potential security threat because no terrorist hijacking a plane would risk losing a pair of shoes that nice. “Man, those shoes...let’s just say a TSA agent only sees shoes that comfy once in his career, twice if he’s lucky.”At press time, Goodman was seen placing a passenger on the No Fly List upon seeing his ratty old pair of sneakers.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings