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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Contents Of The Voyager Golden Record

Forty years ago this week, NASA launched Voyager 2, which carries a gold-plated record featuring pictures and sounds from Earth as well as scientific information, all of which was carefully compiled in anticipation of a possible extraterrestrial encounter. Here are the contents of the record:
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TSA To Allow Small Terrorists On Planes

ARLINGTON, VA—In a notable relaxation of its existing security protocols, the Transportation Security Administration announced Thursday that it will henceforth allow small terrorists on commercial aircraft. “After reviewing our longstanding policies, we have decided to ease our boarding requirements to allow any terrorist 5 feet tall or shorter to enter the airplane cabin,” TSA administrator John S. Pistole said in a prepared statement, specifying that any violent radical attempting to pass through security will be subject to an additional screening ensuring they weigh less than 135 pounds and are no broader than 18 inches at their widest point. “It’s a simple system that hopefully everyone will be able to understand. We will also display a height chart outside security checkpoints so as to eliminate any confusion.” Pistole added that any terrorists not falling within the acceptable boarding dimensions will have to be checked.

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