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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Turkey For Assholes

If you enjoy ancient civilizations and are a huge dick, then you’ll love this 12-day guided tour of Anatolian wine cellars, spice farms, and prehistoric caves, which is specially designed for the smuggest limp-dick pricks. Dying to see Cappadocia? Even know what Cappadocia is? Then book today, asshole, and join us in fucking Turkey!

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