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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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TV Producers Running Out Of Types Of People To Have Dance With Each Other

LOS ANGELES—Frustrated TV producers announced Monday that they have nearly exhausted every combination of people that can be made to dance with each other in televised competition. "We've had professional dancers performing with everyone from movie stars to former NFL players to people from other reality shows, and we've had amateurs who thought they could dance but more often than not discovered otherwise," producer David Celino said. "Take any kind of person you can imagine, and I guarantee we've had them dancing on TV. We're running out of options here, and we're desperate. Help." Celino said that television producers were exploring several new variations on dance-based reality programming, including one show in which naked people are filmed having sex with each other.

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