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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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TV Viewer Relates To Totally Unbelievable Character That Could Never Exist In Reality

JONESBORO, AR—Claiming to share many of the same personality traits, 28-year-old Matthew Brooks revealed Wednesday that he strongly identifies with the protagonist from his favorite television drama, a character who could never actually exist in real life. “I see a lot of myself in how he sort of plays by his own rules and always stays true to his morals no matter what. He also makes these really cool, sarcastic remarks that other characters in the show think are funny, and I kind of do that, too,” Brooks said of the character who resembles no actual human being who currently exists in reality, has ever existed in reality, or will ever exist in reality. “And the way he can be so abrasive and arrogant while still maintaining a high-pressure job, managing a core group of devoted friends who admire him, and juggling multiple relationships with incredibly gorgeous women—I’m totally like that sometimes.” Brooks added that the only character in the show he finds it difficult to relate to is the main character’s brother, an unkempt and lazy 28-year-old who spends the majority of his time sitting around his apartment watching television.

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