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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Twins Continue Clawing Their Way Down To Bottom Of Standings

MINNEAPOLIS—The scrappy Minnesota Twins continued to claw and fight their way down to the bottom of the standings last Wednesday, stringing together the league’s longest losing streak with their 11th-straight defeat. “This team has a lot of resolve, and we will battle tooth and nail for last place until the season is over,” said right fielder Jason Kubel, who has helped to lead the team with crucial defensive lapses and ineffectiveness at the plate. “We’ve got a lot of spunk. I don’t care who we are playing. We’ll do whatever it takes and find some way to lose.” Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said the team was slumping at the right time and might end up with the worst record in the majors if they continued to play their brand of shit ball.

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