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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Twins Shocked To Learn You Can Score 2 Runs In Same Play

MINNEAPOLIS—The fourth-place Minnesota Twins finally came to realize baseball teams can score more than one run in a single play when, in the fifth inning of their 4-6 loss to the Cleveland Indians last Monday, they witnessed their opponents do just that. “It doesn’t seem like it should be allowed,” said Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, who ran out of the dugout to protest when he saw two Cleveland players touch home plate. “We’ve never tried to pull anything like that. Quite frankly, it looks pretty hard. First off, you’d almost have to be in a situation where two people were on base, and then if you could manage that, a hitter would have to hit the ball so far away from the fielders that there would be little chance of getting it back to the catcher before the second runner reached home plate. Sounds crazy to me.” Though he admitted the team still did not quite understand how scoring multiple runs works, Gardenhire called it a “cheap gimmick” and said the Twins would not attempt it anytime soon.

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