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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Twins Shocked To Learn You Can Score 2 Runs In Same Play

MINNEAPOLIS—The fourth-place Minnesota Twins finally came to realize baseball teams can score more than one run in a single play when, in the fifth inning of their 4-6 loss to the Cleveland Indians last Monday, they witnessed their opponents do just that. “It doesn’t seem like it should be allowed,” said Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, who ran out of the dugout to protest when he saw two Cleveland players touch home plate. “We’ve never tried to pull anything like that. Quite frankly, it looks pretty hard. First off, you’d almost have to be in a situation where two people were on base, and then if you could manage that, a hitter would have to hit the ball so far away from the fielders that there would be little chance of getting it back to the catcher before the second runner reached home plate. Sounds crazy to me.” Though he admitted the team still did not quite understand how scoring multiple runs works, Gardenhire called it a “cheap gimmick” and said the Twins would not attempt it anytime soon.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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