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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Two Dead In 'Kind Of Brutal' Slaying

NEW ORLEANS—A convenience-store clerk and customer were shot to death Monday in an armed robbery described by witnesses as "kind of brutal." "I don't know, you see lots worse stuff in the movies," said Ed Rozema, who was waiting in line to buy cigarettes at the time of the sort-of-chilling double homicide. "I mean, yes, it was unpleasant, but it wasn't the most gruesome murder in the world." Police at the scene agreed, saying they have seen far more horrific crimes. "The gunshots were clean and to the chest, so it's not like there was blood and brains all over the floor," said Sgt. Bill Culver of New Orleans' 33rd Precinct. "A murderer is going to have to work a lot harder to shock us."

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