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EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.
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Tyson Gay

Track and Field, 100m — Lexington, Kentucky

Accomplishments: One of the only Americans capable of running

Motivation: Imagining there’s a delicious rabbit running along the edge of the track

Childhood: Left for dead in a shuttered sporting goods store and raised by treadmills

Olympic Moment: Finished 100-meter sprint with starting block stuck on bottom of shoe

Flaws: Never spends more than 10 seconds doing anything

Celebration: Wraps self in flag, runs victory lap after completing even the most mundane tasks

NEXT: Missy Franklin

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