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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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U-Say Response To Detroit Judge's Decision

We received thousands of viewers mails about Judge Lemont's decision that 16-year-old Hannah Stevenson will be tried as a black adult. Here's what U-Say about the ruling:

"Hannah does not deserve this. No matter how bad her crime may have been, she is still white and attractive."
--Gary L., Chula Vista, CA

"Hannah does not deserve this. At most she should have been tried as a shifty-looking Asian."
--Adam V., Sterling Heights, MI

"Hannah needs to have the full force of the wildly unbalanced justice system brought down on her."
--Deon, Sunnyvale, CA

"The sentence should have been even harsher. Hannah should have been sent to a secret tribunal and tried as a Muslim."
--Carrie P., Reno, NV

"Hannah should be happy they didn’t give her a teardrop tattoo before going on trial."
--Kenny S., Peoria, AZ

"The sentence should have been even harsher. Hannah should have been tried in Arizona as a Mexican."
--Pamela K., Spencer, WI

"This ruling not fair. She was clearly possessed by Satan. That is the only way my brain can reconcile my preconceived notions about her race, age, and class with her act of horrific violence."
--Art, Grand Oaks, WA

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