adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

U-Say Response To Detroit Judge's Decision

We received thousands of viewers mails about Judge Lemont's decision that 16-year-old Hannah Stevenson will be tried as a black adult. Here's what U-Say about the ruling:

"Hannah does not deserve this. No matter how bad her crime may have been, she is still white and attractive."
--Gary L., Chula Vista, CA

"Hannah does not deserve this. At most she should have been tried as a shifty-looking Asian."
--Adam V., Sterling Heights, MI

"Hannah needs to have the full force of the wildly unbalanced justice system brought down on her."
--Deon, Sunnyvale, CA

"The sentence should have been even harsher. Hannah should have been sent to a secret tribunal and tried as a Muslim."
--Carrie P., Reno, NV

"Hannah should be happy they didn’t give her a teardrop tattoo before going on trial."
--Kenny S., Peoria, AZ

"The sentence should have been even harsher. Hannah should have been tried in Arizona as a Mexican."
--Pamela K., Spencer, WI

"This ruling not fair. She was clearly possessed by Satan. That is the only way my brain can reconcile my preconceived notions about her race, age, and class with her act of horrific violence."
--Art, Grand Oaks, WA

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close