adBlockCheck

Recent News

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

U-Say Responses To The Military Chaperone Program

We received thousands of emails about the army’s new chaperone program for women in combat. Here's what U-Say about this issue:

"I can't imagine sending these women into combat without a man there to make sure to catch them when they faint at all those scary loud explosion noises."
--Tony C., Gary, IN

"This program is so expensive, and for what? No one is even taking sexy pictures of these women and their guns. What's the point?"
--Tyler S., Dallas, TX

"Is anyone concerned that the presence of men is going to distract the women and make them competitive and act slutty? You know how girls get around a man."
--Rhonda S., Little River, KS

"I think the army should ask the chaperone to stand behind the female soldiers, wrapping their arms around them, to help the ladies hold their weapons."
--Lisa, Orange, CA

"I'm not sure how I feel about the program, but if these women are anything like my wife after I've cleaned the gutters, these poor chaperones aren't going to hear a single thank you."
--Evan P., Oklahoma City, OK

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close