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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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U-Say Responses To Tillis' Resignation

Our inbox has been flooded with emails of support for Tillis following his decision to step down.

"God bless you,Tillis. Best of luck in all your drinking."
--Jacob E., Franklin, KY

"My friends and I will pour a bottle of gin on the sidewalk in memory of you, Senator Tillis!"
--Noah W., Fairbanks, AK

"KEEP ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD, SENATOR"
--Jim B., Middlesex, CT

"I met Senator Tillis once while he was campaigning and I'll never forget it. He shook my hand, looked me in the eye, then grabbed my shoulder to steady himself, then threw up on my shoes."
--Sophia, New Orleans

"So sad. Washington is losing a true party animal today."
--Chris S., Covington, MS

"As a wdrunk you stoood up for mee and thasts whhy youure the bestt!!!!!!"
--Ryan W., Fairfield, CT

"Senator Tillis is a legend. He will always be remembered for his courage, his dancing, and that time he lit a podium on fire. You will be missed, Dave."
--Matthew, Charleston, SC

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