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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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U-Say: Washington Meets With Real America

After years of rising tensions, representatives of Washington and Real America have finally entered diplomatic talks. Here’s what some of our viewers had to say about the summit:

"These talks are only between low-level diplomats. If these groups were serious about making progress, both sides should send their highest-ranked leaders, Barack Obama and Jeff Dunham."
--Ben S., Sunnyvale, CA

"The hate needs to stop. Real America's talk radio DJs are all but foaming at the mouth with their disgust for those from Washington."
--Jenny W., Newton, CT

"I'm a Real American who has traveled to Washington. Their customs are strange, their language is hard to understand, but they are still human."
--Corey T., Iowa City, IA

"In my opinion, Washington should be abolished and the Beltway should be turned into a NASCAR track for Real America." --Sandy J., Richmond, VA

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