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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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UFC Fan Knows What All Those Guys' Names Are

KINGSPORT, TN—Sources confirmed Monday that area resident Kyle Nickerson apparently knows the actual names of all those guys in the UFC and that, to him, they don't all sort of run together. "I know maybe four of those guys: Brock Lesnar, Kent Shamrock, Tito Ortiz, and the guy with the mohawk—but Kyle knows all of them, even the ones from that reality show," Nickerson's friend Eric Heijl told reporters, adding that Nickerson is also able to name the moves those guys use. "Sometimes two UFC guys will flash on the screen and Kyle will not only know their names, but know who they've fought in the past. Should I know who these people are? Is UFC such a big deal now that I should be able to identify a UFC fighter when I see one?" When reached for comment, Nickerson was reportedly watching a UFC match in which he not only knew the names of both competitors, but also what their records were. 

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