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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Ugly Man With Huge Penis Unsure How To Get The Word Out

AUBURN, ME— Overweight and balding Ira Groff, 37, is unsure how to get the word out about his 11-inch penis. "In theory, I could fumble around in my wallet for something and then—whoops!—an extra-large condom falls out," the acne-scarred Groff said Monday. "But that would come off as staged." Groff has also pondered wearing tighter pants, leaving penile-reduction-surgery brochures around his workspace, or sporting a button that reads, "Ask Me About My Huge Cock."

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