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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Uh-Oh, Annoying Coworker Going To Tell You Why IndyCar Racing Completely Different From NASCAR

KANSAS CITY, MO—Oh man, sources confirmed that it looks as though Paul Martinelli, that irritating guy from sales, is going to give you an entire breakdown of the differences between IndyCar and NASCAR after you—completely by accident, for Christ's sake—referred to the Daytona 500 as the Indy 500, and only in reference to the pace of work around your office. "Open-wheel racing, such as IndyCar, is more concerned with aerodynamics, not to mention the obvious fact that the cars race on road and street courses in addition to ovals," said Martinelli, who is more than capable of droning on about this crap for hours, especially when he should, oh, let's see, be talking to potential clients, maybe. "Of course, you could say that here in the office we run around in circles all day just like drivers in both series! Heh! Ah, man. Anyway, me? I'm a fan of both." At press time, Martinelli was spouting some nonsense about formula-something-something being a higher class of auto racing while you answered an e-mail.

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