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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
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Ulta Releases Line Of Shitty Hair Ties To Give Cheap-Ass Friend Who’s Always Borrowing Them

BOLINGBROOK, IL—Touting them as essentials that women should have handy at all times, Ulta Beauty released a new line of shitty hair ties Friday designed specifically to be given to cheap-ass friends who always ask to borrow them. “Our new Freeloader Elastics line allows women to give the moochers in their life the bargain-basement accessory they deserve,” said Ulta Beauty CEO Mary Dillon, adding that each package contains 25 stringy, overstretched hair ties in a variety of revolting colors that are perfectly acceptable to hand out to people who have no intention of returning them. “These are must-haves for the woman who doesn’t want to give her good elastics to her friend who, yet again, forgot to bring a hair tie of her own to the gym. Next time your friend asks to borrow an elastic that you know you’ll never see again, give them something only slightly better than the twist tie you use for garbage bags.” Dillon went on to say that most of the new elastics can’t be returned to their rightful owner anyway, as most will either snap or get irrevocably tangled with the borrower’s hair.

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