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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Umenyiora Comes Out Of Nowhere To Sack McNabb In Parking Lot

PHILADELPHIA—Osi Umenyiora, whose six sacks against the Eagles on Sunday tied him for second on the NFL's single-game  record list, added to that total when he burst out from around the end of Donovan McNabb's Ford Excursion, seized the quarterback by the shoulders, and drove him hard to the pavement as McNabb left practice Tuesday. "Osi just had my number today," said McNabb, who has been less mobile when entering and exiting his car since undergoing  knee surgery in the offseason. "It was a very athletic play, and what's more, it was smart—we never thought to look for him coming across the parking lot like that." Second-year tackle Winston Justice confirmed that Philadelphia's five starting offensive linemen, all of whom who were all hitching a post-practice ride home with McNabb, did not get so much as a finger on Umenyiora.

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