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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Umpire Disgusted By Catcher, Batter Flirting With Each Other

CLEVELAND—Following Tuesday night's game between the Twins and the Indians, home-plate umpire Sam Holbrook told reporters he was "getting nauseous" while watching Twins catcher Joe Mauer and Indians center fielder Grady Sizemore playfully giggle, tease, and brush up against each another during Sizemore's at bats. "Get a room," said Holbrook, who imitated the players with cartoonishly high-pitched voices and then pretended to vomit. "At one point, [Sizemore] called a time-out so he could stare into [Mauer's] eyes. That's not baseball. Plus, it's just plain gross." In a press conference after the game, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire spoke out on behalf of Mauer and Sizemore and claimed that flirting with your opponents "is and has always been part of the game."

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