U.N. Aid Workers Distributing Food To Malnourished KFC Customers

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Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...

Justin Bieber Hospitalized After Fainting At Concert

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was seen struggling during a performance of “Beauty and a Beat” at a show in London last night before walking off stage and fainting out of view of the audience, and was later taken to a hospital.
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U.N. Aid Workers Distributing Food To Malnourished KFC Customers

FOREST LAKE, MN—Responding to an ongoing humanitarian crisis, U.N. aid workers reportedly descended on a local KFC Wednesday to deliver much-needed food to the restaurant’s critically malnourished customers. “In all my years in the field, I’ve never come across a group of people who have gone so long without a proper meal,” said U.N. humanitarian affairs director Gloria Dominguez, confirming that aid workers had distributed whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and other vital nutrients to patrons of the KFC location. “We’re doing everything we can, but conditions on the ground here are desperate. In addition to their pervasive malnutrition, these people clearly don’t have access to suitable sanitary facilities, and the stench is almost unbearable. It really breaks your heart.” Dominguez noted that other U.N. aid operations in the area include a teen-pregnancy prevention program at a local Dairy Queen and a dysentery-outbreak clinic at a nearby White Castle.

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