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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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U.N. Weapons Inspectors Thoroughly Unimpressed With Yemeni Weapons

SANAA, YEMEN—U.N. inspectors assigned to evaluate the threat level of weapon caches throughout Yemen reported Sunday that they were "underwhelmed" and, "to be honest, a little embarrassed" for the Yemeni army after observing firsthand the low quality, poor condition, and overall shoddiness of the country's military arsenal. "I turned to [fellow weapons inspector Dr.] Will [Schlesinger] and was like, 'Are these guys having a yard sale or something? What the hell is this junk?'" U.N. field technician Dr. Karl Ludviggssen said. "We visited 17 sites, and the most threatening things we saw were eight Soviet-era surface-to…well, frankly, surface-to-probably-nothing missiles. What a waste of time." The U.N. Security Council said the uselessness of the inspection was eclipsed only by that undertaken in Iraq in late 2003.

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