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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Uncle Strikes Out Hard With Book Gift

WELLS, NV—According to Lynford family sources, Uncle Jack took a swing at giving Kyle a book for his birthday on Wednesday and struck out hard. “Man oh man, Uncle Jack totally whiffed it on that one,” Kyle’s brother Jason said of the humiliating gift attempt, in which the 48-year-old bit it big time with his present of Lost And Philosophy: The Island Has Its Reasons, a 2007 book of essays exploring the themes of the ABC series Lost through a philosophical lens. “Hey, the big man took a risk, doubled down, and went bust. What are you gonna do?” Sources confirmed that Uncle Mark totally knocked it out of the park with a gift card to Best Buy.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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