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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Unclear If Grandma Just Friends With 81-Year-Old Widowed Man

ORLANDO, FL—During their visit Thursday to the Avalon Retirement Community, the grandchildren of Rose Markowitz told reporters they were no closer to determining if their grandmother was merely friends with an 81-year-old widower who lives in her building or if there was something else going on between them. “He stops by her room every day at three, and then they watch TV together for a couple hours in the common area—I have no idea what that means,” said granddaughter Betsy Markowitz, adding that her grandmother had touched the man’s arm twice when first introducing him. “Also, last week when we arrived they were sitting on a bench in the courtyard together, but they weren’t holding hands or anything. And for some reason she’s started giving us little updates about what he’s been up to recently and what his kids and grandkids are doing. I honestly couldn’t begin to guess what kind of relationship they have.” At press time, the man had called Markowitz “Rosie” again.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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