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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Undercover Fireman Infiltrates Three-Alarm Blaze

CHICAGO—Plainclothes firefighter Rick Dodd, 32, was commended Tuesday for his successful monthlong operation to infiltrate and eventually expose a three-alarm blaze at a downtown Chicago warehouse. "The fire had spread to the upstairs by the time I arrived, so I cozied up to it, played the game, and tried not to arouse any suspicion until I had gathered the information I needed to bring back to the chief," said Dodd, adding that his cover was nearly blown a week into the investigation when a neighbor arrived and began throwing buckets of water onto the porch. "When things started to get too hot for me in there, I showed my badge, drew my concealed fire extinguisher, and called in for backup." Dodd was last honored in 2005 after completing a two-week stakeout of a kitten stuck in a tree, though the animal died of dehydration.

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