'Underground Railroad' Carries Slaves From Brooklyn to Manhattan

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Vol 48 Issue 17

Pilots

ABC 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST Two airline captains concoct new TV show ideas as they fly

Report: A-Rod Probably Thinking About Betting On Baseball

NEW YORK—After carefully analyzing the progression of contemptible things the Yankees third baseman has done in his career, a report released Friday by the University of Missouri's sports psychology department concluded Alex Rodriguez is most likely...

Cash Cab

Discovery 6:30 p.m. EST/5:30 p.m. CST People who can afford to take cabs get a once-in-a-lifetime shot at hundreds of dollars.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Race Relations

'Underground Railroad' Carries Slaves From Brooklyn to Manhattan

NEW YORK—It was learned Monday that for many decades, an "underground railroad" has been in operation in New York City, transporting thousands of slaves from Brooklyn to Manhattan each day through an intricate series of subterranean tunnels. "These slaves suffer terribly, and they need our help," said William Erlich, director of the underground railroad, also known as the Metropolitan Transit Authority. "They live in cramped quarters far from their cruel employers, and would have to walk very far if not for the assistance of a dedicated band of modern-day Harriet Tubmans, determined to get them to their jobs well-rested and ready for a long day of toil."

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