adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Underground Railroad' Carries Slaves From Brooklyn to Manhattan

NEW YORK—It was learned Monday that for many decades, an "underground railroad" has been in operation in New York City, transporting thousands of slaves from Brooklyn to Manhattan each day through an intricate series of subterranean tunnels. "These slaves suffer terribly, and they need our help," said William Erlich, director of the underground railroad, also known as the Metropolitan Transit Authority. "They live in cramped quarters far from their cruel employers, and would have to walk very far if not for the assistance of a dedicated band of modern-day Harriet Tubmans, determined to get them to their jobs well-rested and ready for a long day of toil."

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close