adBlockCheck

Underprotective Father Demands Daughter Arrive Home By 10 A.M.

Top Headlines

After Birth

Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Underprotective Father Demands Daughter Arrive Home By 10 A.M.

NASHVILLE, TN—Local resident Nathan Corbin, 37, has set a strict 10 a.m. curfew for his 16-year-old daughter Kathy, the underbearing father told reporters Tuesday. "Rules are rules—she has to be through the door or at least passed out on the lawn by no later than 10 in the morning on school days," said Corbin, adding that Kathy is no longer allowed to have more than three boys in her room at one time. "I've also warned her on several occasions to keep it down when she comes home because her [14-year-old] brother [Kevin] has usually smoked quite a bit of pot by that time and is asleep on the couch." Corbin admitted to recent laxness in enforcing his "no stealing more than $35 a week from your stepmother" policy, but defended indulging his daughter, citing the increased cost of cigarettes.

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close