adBlockCheck

Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
End Of Section
  • More News

Black Man Does 8 Years

GO TO FEATURE

Unemployed Man Who Had To Move Back In With His Parents Still For Obama

COVINGTON, KY—More than two years after losing his last job in a brutal round of layoffs and moving back in with his parents, local man Brian Powers confirmed he is still a vocal supporter of Barack Obama and a vehement defender of the president’s economic platform, sources reported Wednesday. “I’ve always been a huge admirer of Obama, and there’s no doubt I’m supporting him in November,” said the unemployed 26-year-old, who, since voting for the president in 2008 while a senior in college, has defaulted on $200,000 in student-loan debt and held no fewer than five entry-level positions, each of which was terminated within six months due to downsizing. “His first term wasn’t perfect by any means, but he still did a lot of really impressive things, especially considering the poor hand he was dealt. Now that we’re on the road to recovery, he needs our help more than ever.” At press time, the staunch Obama supporter was heading by the AMPM store to see if any positions had opened up since last week.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close