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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Unemployed Man Who Had To Move Back In With His Parents Still For Obama

COVINGTON, KY—More than two years after losing his last job in a brutal round of layoffs and moving back in with his parents, local man Brian Powers confirmed he is still a vocal supporter of Barack Obama and a vehement defender of the president’s economic platform, sources reported Wednesday. “I’ve always been a huge admirer of Obama, and there’s no doubt I’m supporting him in November,” said the unemployed 26-year-old, who, since voting for the president in 2008 while a senior in college, has defaulted on $200,000 in student-loan debt and held no fewer than five entry-level positions, each of which was terminated within six months due to downsizing. “His first term wasn’t perfect by any means, but he still did a lot of really impressive things, especially considering the poor hand he was dealt. Now that we’re on the road to recovery, he needs our help more than ever.” At press time, the staunch Obama supporter was heading by the AMPM store to see if any positions had opened up since last week.

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