adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
End Of Section
  • More News

Unfinished Basement Has Weird Feeling About Way Woman Looking At It

FRESNO, CA—A local unfinished basement confirmed this week that the way homeowner Shelley Thomason has been eyeing it lately has caused it to feel deeply uneasy. “Every time she walks down the stairs, she always stops and gives me this look like she’s planning something, it’s really making me uncomfortable,” said the 900-square-foot ground-level area, which also reported that various sightings of Thomason carrying home unknown products in an orange Home Depot bucket had given it a sinking feeling of dread. “Whatever she’s thinking, I don’t see any way I’m going to make it out of this looking anything like I do now. Why is she carrying that velvet curtain down here now? Oh man, what does she want with me?” At press time, the basement was trying to calm down by convincing itself that even if Thomason tried to pull off some kind of DIY renovation project, she wouldn’t have what it takes to carry out the act.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close