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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Uninsured Man Hopes His Symptoms Diagnosed This Week On House

HAPEVILLE, GA—After being laid off last year from his door-fitting job at the local Ford Motor Company plant, uninsured 35-year-old Chris Thaney has been watching Fox's hit medical drama House to find out why he experiences severe headaches, an inability to urinate, sharp lower-back pains, and numbness on the left side of his body. "This week's episode had a guy who was close to having the same thing I have, but he was just the side patient who says the one thing that gets [Dr. Gregory] House to realize what is actually wrong with the episode's main patient," Thaney said. "The teaser for next week didn't give away much, but you never know." Though Thaney's condition is deteriorating rapidly, he said he may quit watching the show if House does not shack up soon with that cute administrator whose name Thaney can never remember.

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