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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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University Of Oregon Debut Controversial Fly-Ridden Duck Flesh Uniforms

EUGENE, OR—Now synonymous with controversial uniforms, the Oregon Ducks reached a new level of contentiousness Saturday when they took the field to play Stanford wearing helmets, jerseys, pants, socks, and shoes made entirely of rotting, feather-strewn duck flesh. “Jesus Christ, the smell and all those goddamn flies,” said Stanford head coach David Shaw, who pleaded with officials to suspend the game when a nauseous Cardinal defense started vomiting on the field, and again when slippery footballs covered in duck blood limited his team’s passing game. “I’ve said before that their uniforms can be overly distracting, but the way the sun glints off those slimy duck entrails wrapped around the waist clearly has to be some kind of violation. Plus I’ve got a halfback receiving stitches from the duck bill that snapped off a tackler’s shoulder pads and lacerated his forearm.” According to NCAA officials, an investigation into Oregon’s controversial uniforms will be conducted as soon as health officials deem the sweaty, festering duck carcasses now strewn in a sopping pile on the floor of the Autzen Stadium locker room safe enough for inspection.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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