Unpopular Student Ridiculed Mercilessly In Teacher's Lounge

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Vol 48 Issue 15

April 17

Sandalwood Circle residents are advised that the Baumgartners will be having pretty loud sex this Tuesday shortly after 9 p.m.

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"All the feminist movement needed to do was bring on someone who had the balls to do something about this glass ceiling business." - Peter "Buck" McGowan, chief of the worldwide initiative for women's rights
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Unpopular Student Ridiculed Mercilessly In Teacher's Lounge

KNOXVILLE, TN–Doug Durbin, an overweight, unpopular seventh-grader at Lakeview Middle School, was mercilessly mocked Tuesday by faculty members in the teachers' lounge. "None of the kids want to sit near Doug Durbin in class because he sweats so bad and has pit stains on all his shirts," math teacher Ron Grady told a group of his colleagues. "Isn't that so disgusting?" Added science teacher Andrew Klass: "I feel so bad for Coach [Bernie] Nichols. He has to actually watch Doug run around in shorts twice a week in gym class. Bernie told me that last week, Doug cried when he got hit in the stomach during dodgeball. What a loser."

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