adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

Unsettling Basketball Article Praises Portland Trail Blazers’ Young, Voluptuous Talent

PORTLAND, OR—As the Trail Blazers face off against the Spurs in the second round of the NBA Playoffs this week, an unsettling ESPN.com article published Friday reportedly disturbed readers by praising Portland’s roster of young, tantalizingly voluptuous basketball talent. “This is a team packed deep with young, hot, firm playmakers,” read an excerpt from the comprehensive team profile by ESPN analyst Tim Legler, which contains extensive descriptions of a “tender yet simultaneously rock-hard team” and includes over 500 words devoted to the “throbbing backcourt presence” of Blazers point guard Damian Lillard. “These guys have everything: finesse, energy, and more than a little bit of sass. And with so many of them younger than 24 years of age, we’ll be able to keep our eyes on their lithe, muscular, tempting bodies for many, many years to come. I for one am definitely looking forward to it.” According to sources, the article is the seventh such story authored by Legler this year.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close