Unsuspecting Movie Stars Follow Fake Red Carpet Into Back Of Kidnappers’ Van

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Vol 49 Issue 08

Daniel Craig Takes Home Pretty Good Actor Award

LOS ANGELES—As industry insiders had been predicting for weeks, Daniel Craig was a big winner at last night’s 85th Academy Awards ceremony after the 44-year-old actor took home the Pretty Good Actor Award, Hollywood’s highest achievement...

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After a well-publicized falling-out during the Transformers movies, Megan Fox has reportedly resolved her differences with Michael Bay and will star as reporter April O’Neil in the director’s upcoming update of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
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Unsuspecting Movie Stars Follow Fake Red Carpet Into Back Of Kidnappers’ Van

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Los Angeles police confirmed that Denzel Washington, Naomi Watts, Joaquin Phoenix, and nearly a dozen other top-name actors had gone missing ahead of Sunday’s Academy Awards after following a fake red carpet laid outside the Dolby Theatre that reportedly led into the back of an idling, windowless van. “It appears that the kidnappers were able to use an array of camera flashes, canned fan screaming, and an imposter catty fashion reporter to lure these unsuspecting movie stars right into their grasp,” said police sergeant Mark Morales, noting that Reese Witherspoon, William Hurt, and the entire starring cast of Silver Linings Playbook were seen waving and turning to show their outfits to an assembled corps of fake paparazzi before wandering into the cargo hold of a Ford Econoline vehicle. “There were even several convincing swag bags in the back of the van that appeared to include luxury spa passes and platinum Chopard watches. This plot was clearly carefully planned to prey on Hollywood’s top celebrities.” At press time, sources confirmed the identity of the kidnapper as 65-year-old actor James Woods of nearby Beverly Hills, CA.

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