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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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UPN Lauded By Center For Quantity Programming

LOS ANGELES—The UPN television network was honored Monday by the Center For Quantity Programming for its "tremendous contribution to the number of TV programs on the air."

UPN President Dean Valentine

Said Center For Quantity Programming president Liz Elson: "By offering such shows as In The House, Malcolm & Eddie, Good News, Sparks, Moesha, Goode Behavior, and The Sentinel, UPN has truly contributed a great deal of television to our nation's airwaves."

Elson presented UPN president and CEO Dean Valentine with a plaque commending him for his "unwavering commitment to improving the quantity of network television in the U.S."

"Without UPN," Elson said, "the American people would not have 161 prime-time TV programs from which to choose each week, but merely 148."

UPN joins last year's Center For Quantity Programming honoree WB, which was lauded for such "outstandingly voluminous fare" as Nick Freno, The Wayans Bros., Sister, Sister, The Jamie Foxx Show, Unhappily Ever After, The Steve Harvey Show, Kirk, The Parent 'Hood, Brotherly Love, 7th Heaven, and Savannah.

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