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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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UPS Guy Hasn't Heard A Doorbell Like That One In A While

LITITZ, PA—Claiming the chiming melody reminded him of his early days in the parcel delivery service, UPS worker John Shea told reporters Tuesday that he hadn't heard a doorbell like the one at Daniel and Beth Mack's house at 130 Cindy Ln. in "a heck of a long time." "They don't make them like that anymore—trust me, I've heard them all," said Shea, who reportedly expounded on the difference between digital and analog chimes to Mr. Mack as the homeowner stood waiting to sign for his package. "That's a real classic. Nice change of pace from your standard 'ding-dong.' Good doorknob, too. Sturdy." Shea was not permitted inside the house for a cup of coffee.

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