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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Upset Woman Forced To Re-Sigh Louder

MCKEESPORT, PA— Failing to elicit sympathy or concern with her first attempt,
Staffing Solutions office manager Connie Lindel was forced to re-sigh louder and more
plaintively Monday. "Well, I guess I'll just turn off everyone else's lights at the
end of the day myself," Lindel, 33, told coworkers before letting out a second,
longer sigh. "Oh, well." Lindel, who was unable to elicit any measure of
sympathy with the follow-up sigh, is expected to try again Thursday with her arms folded
and significantly more resignation in her voice.

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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

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