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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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U.S. Ambassador To Cambodia Thinks Diplomatic Immunity Covers What He Just Did

PHNOM PENH—Wiping blood from his hands as he spoke with reporters Monday, U.S. ambassador to Cambodia William E. Todd said that if memory served, the thing he just did is almost certainly covered under the provisions of diplomatic immunity. “While I would need to consult the exact wording of the 1961 Vienna Convention again to confirm, I’m fairly confident that if you examine sovereign treaty law you’ll find that what I just did a few minutes ago cannot be defined as a prosecutable action,” said the disheveled diplomat before changing his soiled shirt, washing his face and torso, and hoisting a full garbage bag into the trunk of his car. “Of course, in the rare event of a civil suit, the State Department may waive immunity, but persecution isn’t taken in the vast majority of cases. That is my understanding, at least.” The ambassador went on to tell reporters that, as far as he knew, even if they wanted to stop him, they couldn’t.

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