U.S. Dignity Reserves Nearly Depleted

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Vol 46 Issue 26

Psychopaths Behave Like Stroke Victims

A University of Wisconsin study found that when prisoners exhibiting psychopathic tendencies played decision-making games, they used the same strategies as people who had suffered strokes or brain tumors.

Advertising On License Plates?

The State of California is currently considering a plan to issue digital license plates that would display advertising when a car is stopped for more than four seconds.
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U.S. Dignity Reserves Nearly Depleted

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a report released Tuesday by the U.S. Department of Pride and Self-Worth, the nation's dignity reserves stand at an all-time low, and emergency dignity reservoirs may have to be tapped as soon as next month. "America is in the midst of a dignity crisis the likes of which it has never seen," said DPSW Secretary Bruce Collins, eating a bag of Taco Bell Steak Gorditas and wearing a "Show Me The Money!" T-shirt. "Over the past decade, the number of Americans with no shame whatsoever has gone through the roof."

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